I close my eyes. Reluctantly, I open my hea一vy eyelids and bright light fills the room. I groan. I feel cloudy, disconnected from my leaden limbs, and Christian is wrapped around me like ivy. I’m too warm as per usual. Surely it’s just five in the morning. The alarm has not gone off yet. I stretch out to free myself from his heat, turning in his arms, and he mumbles something unintelligible in his sleep. I glance at the clock. Eight forty-five. Shit, I’m going to be late. Fuck. I scramble out of bed and dash to the bathroom. I am showered and out within four minutes. Christian sits up in bed watching me with ill-concealed amusement coupled with wariness as I continue to dry amusement coupled with wariness as I continue to dry myself while gathering my clothes. Perhaps he’s waiting for me to react to yesterday’s revelations. Right now, I just don’t ha一ve time. I check my clothes—black slacks, black shirt—all a bit Mrs. R, but I don’t ha一ve a second to change my mind. I hastily don black bra and panties, conscious that he’s watching my every move. It’s . . . unnerving. The panties and bra will do. “You look good,” Christian purrs from the bed. “You can call in sick, you know.” He gives me his devastating, lopsided, one hundred and fifty percent panty-busting smile. Oh, he’s so tempting. My inner goddess pouts provocatively at me. “No, Christian, I can’t. I am not a megalomaniac CEO with a beautiful smile who can come and go as he pleases.” “I like to come as I please.” He smirks and cranks his glorious smile up another notch so it’s in full HD IMAX. “Christian!” I scold. I throw my towel at him and he laughs. “Beautiful smile, huh?” “Yes. You know the effect you ha一ve on me.” I put on my watch. “Do I?” he blinks innocently. “Yes, you do. The same effect you ha一ve on all women. Gets really tiresome watching them all swoon.” “Does it?” He cocks his eyebrow at me, more amused. “Don’t play the innocent, Mr. Grey, it really doesn’t suit you,” I mutter distractedly as I scoop my hair into a suit you,” I mutter distractedly as I scoop my hair into a ponytail and pull on my black high-heeled shoes. There, that will do. When I bend to kiss him good-bye, he grabs me and pulls me down onto the bed, leaning over me and smiling from ear to ear. Oh my. He’s so beautiful—eyes bright with mischief, floppy just-fucked-again hair, that dazzling smile. Now he’s playful. I’m tired, still reeling from all the disclosures of yesterday, while he’s bright as a button and sexy as fuck. Oh, exasperating Fifty. “What can I do to tempt you to stay?” he says softly, and my heart skips a beat and begins to pound. He is temptation personified. “You can’t,” I grumble, struggling to sit back up. “Let me go.” He pouts and I give up. Grinning, I trace my fingers over his sculptured lips—my Fifty Shades. I love him so in all his monumental fuckedupness. I ha一ven’t even begun to process yesterday’s events and how I feel about them. I lean up to kiss him, thankful that I ha一ve brushed my teeth. He kisses me long and hard and then swiftly sets me on my feet, lea一ving me dazed, breathless, and slightly wobbly. “Taylor will take you. Quicker than finding somewhere to park. He’s waiting outside the building,” Christian says kindly, and he seems relieved. Is he worried about my reaction this morning? Surely last night—er, this morning— proved that I am not going to run. “Okay. Thank you,” I mutter, disappointed that I am “Okay. Thank you,” I mutter, disappointed that I am upright on my feet, confused by his hesitancy, and vaguely irritated that once again I won’t be driving my Saab. But he’s right, of course—it will be quicker with Taylor. “Enjoy your lazy morning, Mr. Grey. I wish I could stay, but the man who owns the company I work for would not approve of his staff ditching just for hot sex.” I grab my purse. “Personally, Miss Steele, I ha一ve no doub一t that he would approve. In fact he might insist on it.” “Why are you staying in bed? It’s not like you.” He folds his hands behind his head and grins at me. “Because I can, Miss Steele.” I shake my head at him. “Laters, baby.” I blow him a kiss, and I am out of the door. Taylor is waiting for me, and he seems to understand that I am late because he drives like a bat out of hell to get me to work by nine fifteen. I am grateful when he pulls up at the curb—grateful to be alive–his driving was scary. And grateful that I am not hideously late—only fifteen minutes. “Thank you, Taylor,” I mutter, ashen-faced. I remember Christian telling me he drove tanks; maybe he drives for NASC一A一R, too. “Ana.” He nods a farewell, and I dash into my office, realizing as I open the door to reception that Taylor seems to ha一ve overcome the Miss Steele formality. It makes me smile. Claire grins at me as I rush through reception and make my way to my desk. “Ana!” Jack calls me. “Get in here.” Oh shit. “What time do you call this?” he snaps. “I’m sorry. I overslept.” I flush crimson. “Don’t let it happen again. Fix me some coffee, and then I need you to do some letters. Jump to it,” he shouts, making me flinch. Why’s he so mad? What’s his problem? What ha一ve I done? I hurry to the kitchen to fix his coffee. Maybe I should ha一ve ditched. I could be . . . well, doing something hot with Christian, or ha一ving breakfast with him, or just talking—that would be novel. Jack barely acknowledges my presence when I venture back into his office to deliver his coffee. He thrusts a sheet of paper at me—it’s handwritten in a barely legible scrawl. “Type this up, ha一ve me sign, then copy and mail it to all our authors.” “Yes, Jack.” He doesn’t look up as I lea一ve. Boy, is he mad. It is with some relief that I finally sit down at my desk. I take a sip of tea as I wait for my computer to boot up. I check my e-mails. From: Christian Grey Subject: Missing you Date: June 15, 2011 09:05 To: Anastasia Steele Please use your Blackberry. x Christian Grey CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From: Anastasia Steele Subject: All Right for Some Date: June 15, 2011 09:27 To: Christian Grey My boss is mad. I blame you for keeping me up late with your . . . shenanigans. You should be ashamed of yourself. Anastasia Steele Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP From: Christian Grey Subject: Shenaniwhatagans? Date: June 15, 2011 09:32 To: Anastasia Steele To: Anastasia Steele You don’t ha一ve to work, Anastasia. You ha一ve no idea how appalled I am at my shenanigans. But I like keeping you up late ;) Please use your Blackberry. Oh, and marry me, please. Christian Grey CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From: Anastasia Steele Subject: Living to make Date: June 15, 2011 09:35 To: Christian Grey I know your natural inclination is toward nagging, but just stop. I need to talk to your shrink. Only then will I give you my answer. I am not opposed to living in sin. Anastasia Steele Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP From: Christian Grey Subject: BLACKBERRY Subject: BLACKBERRY Date: June 15, 2011 09:40 To: Anastasia Steele Anastasia, if you are going to start discussing Dr. Flynn then USE YOUR BLACKBERRY. This is not a request. Christian Grey, Now Pissed CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. Oh shit. Now he’s mad at me, too. Well, he can stew for all I care. I take my Blackberry out of my purse and eye it with skepticism. As I do, it starts ringing. Can’t he lea一ve me alone? “Yes,” I snap. “Ana, hi—” “José! How are you?” Oh, it’s good to hear his voice. “I’m fine, Ana. Look, are you still seeing that Grey guy?” “Er—yes . . . Why?” Where is he going with this? “Well, he’s bought all your photos, and I thought I could deliver them up to Seattle. The exhibition closes Thursday, so I could bring them up Friday evening and drop them off, you know. And maybe we could catch a drink or something. Actually, I was hoping for a place to crash, too.” “José, that’s cool. Yeah, I’m sure we could work something out. Let me talk to Christian and call you back, something out. Let me talk to Christian and call you back, okay?” “Cool, I’ll wait to hear from you. Bye, Ana.” “Bye.” And he’s gone. Holy cow. I ha一ven’t seen or heard from José since his show. I didn’t even ask him how it went or if he sold any more pictures. Some friend I am. So, I could spend the evening with José on Friday. How will Christian like that? I become aware that I am biting my lip till it hurts. Oh, that man has double standards. He can—I shudder at the thought—bathe his batshit ex-lover, but I will probably get a truckload of grief for wanting to ha一ve a drink with José. How am I going to handle this? “Ana!” Jack pulls me abruptly out of my reverie. Is he still mad? “Where’s that letter?” “Er—coming.” Shit. What is eating him? I type up his letter in double-quick time, print it out, and nervously make my way into his office. “Here you go.” I place it on his desk and turn to lea一ve. Jack quickly casts his critical, piercing, eyes over it. “I don’t know what you’re doing out there, but I pay you to work,” he barks. “I’m aware of that, Jack,” I mutter apologetically. I feel a slow flush creep up my skin. “This is full of mistakes,” he snaps. “Do it again.” Fuck. He’s beginning to sound like someone I know, but rudeness from Christian I can tolerate. Jack is beginning to piss me off. “And get me another coffee while you’re at it.” “And get me another coffee while you’re at it.” “Sorry,” I whisper and scurry out of his office as quickly as I can. Holy fuck. He’s being unbearable. I sit back down at my desk, hastily redo his letter, which had two mistakes in it, and check it thoroughly before printing. Now it’s perfect. I fetch him another coffee, letting Claire know with a roll of my eyes that I am in deep doo-doo. Taking a deep breath, I approach his office again. “Better,” he mumbles reluctantly as he signs the letter. “Photocopy it, file the original, and mail out to all authors. Understand?” “Yes.” I am not an idiot. “Jack, is there something wrong?” He glances up, his blue eyes darkening as his gaze runs up and down my body. My blood chills. “No.” His answer is concise, rude, and dismissive. I stand there like the idiot I professed not to be and then shuffle back out of his office. Perhaps he too suffers from a personality disorder. Sheesh, I’m surrounded by them. I make my way to the photocopier—which of course is suffering from a paper jam—and when I’ve fixed it, I find it’s out of paper. This is not my day. When I am finally back at my desk, stuffing envelopes, my Blackberry buzzes. I can see through the glass wall that Jack is on the phone. I answer—it’s Ethan. “Hi, Ana. How’d it go last night?” Last night. A quick montage of images flashes through my mind—Christian kneeling, his revelation, his proposal, macaroni and cheese, my weeping, his nightmare, the sex, touching him . . . “Eh . . . fine,” I mutter unconvincingly. Ethan pauses and decides to collude in my denial. “Cool. Can I collect the keys?” “Sure.” “I’ll be over in about half an hour. Will you ha一ve time to grab a coffee?” “Not today. I was late getting in, and my boss is like an angry bear with a sore head and poison ivy up his ass.” “Sounds nasty.” “Nasty and ugly.” I giggle. Ethan laughs and my mood lifts a little. “Okay. See you in thirty.” He hangs up. I glance up at Jack and he’s staring at me. Oh shit. I studiously ignore him and continue to stuff envelopes. Half an hour later my phone buzzes. It’s Claire. “He’s here again, in reception. The blond god.” Ethan is a joy to see after all the angst of yesterday and the bad temper my boss is inflicting on me today, but all too soon, he’s saying his good-byes. “Will I see you this evening?” “I’ll probably stay with Christian.” I flush. “You ha一ve got it bad,” Ethan observes goodnaturedly. I shrug. That’s not the half of it, and in that moment I realize, I ha一ve it more than bad. I ha一ve it for life. And amazingly, Christian seems to feel the same. Ethan gives me a swift hug. “Laters, Ana.” I return to my desk, wrestling with my realization. Oh, what I would do for a day on my own, to just think all this through. “Where ha一ve you been?” Jack is suddenly looming over me. “I had some business to attend to in reception.” He is really getting on my nerves. “I want my lunch. The usual,” he says abruptly and stomps back into his office. Why didn’t I stay home with Christian? My inner goddess crosses her arms and purses her lips; she wants to know the answer to that one, too. Picking up my purse and my Blackberry, I head for the door. I check my messages. From: Christian Grey Subject: Missing you Date: June 15, 2011 09:06 To: Anastasia Steele My bed is too big without you. Looks like I’ll ha一ve to go to work after all. Even megalomaniac CEOs need something to do. x Christian Grey Twiddling His Thumbs CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. And there’s another from him, from earlier this morning. From: Christian Grey Subject: Discretion Date: June 15, 2011 09:50 To: Anastasia Steele Is the better part of valor. Please use discretion . . . your work e-mails are monitored. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HA一VE TO TELL YOU THIS? Yes. Shouty capitals as you say. USE YOUR BLACKBERRY. Dr. Flynn can see us tomorrow evening. x Christian Grey, Still Pissed CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. And an even later one . . . Oh no. From: Christian Grey Subject: Crickets Date: June 15, 2011 12:15 To: Anastasia Steele To: Anastasia Steele I ha一ven’t heard from you. Please tell me you are okay. You know how I worry. I will send Taylor to check! x Christian Grey, Over-Anxious CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. I roll my eyes, and call him. I don’t want him to worry. “Christian Grey’s phone, Andrea Parker speaking.” Oh. I am so disconcerted that it’s not Christian who answers that it halts me in the street, and the young man behind me mutters angrily as he swerves to a一void bumping into me. I stand under the green awning of the deli. “Hello? Can I help you?” Andrea fills the void of awkward silence. “Sorry . . . Er . . . I was hoping to speak to Christian —” “Mr. Grey is in a meeting at the moment.” She bristles with efficiency. “Can I take a message?” “Can you tell him Ana called?” “Ana? As in Anastasia Steele?” “Er . . . Yes.” Her question confuses me. “Hold one second please, Miss Steele.” I listen attentively as she puts the phone down, but I can’t tell what’s going on. A few seconds later Christian is on the line. “Are you okay?” on the line. “Are you okay?” “Yes, I’m fine.” I hear the quick release of his held breath. He’s relieved. “Christian, why wouldn’t I be okay?” I whisper reassuringly. “You’re normally so quick at responding to my emails. After what I told you yesterday, I was worried,” he says quietly, and then he’s talking to someone in his office. “No, Andrea. Tell them to wait,” he says sternly. Oh, I know that tone of voice. I can’t hear Andrea’s response. “No. I said wait,” he snaps. “Christian, you’re obviously busy. I only called to let you know that I’m okay, and I mean that—just very busy today. Jack has been cracking the whip. Er . . . I mean . . .” I flush and fall silent. Christian says nothing for a moment. “Cracking the whip, eh? Well, there was a time when I would ha一ve called him a lucky man.” His voice is full of dry humor. “Don’t let him get on top of you, baby.” “Christian!” I scold him and I know he’s grinning. “Just watch him, that’s all. Look, I’m glad you’re okay. What time shall I collect you?” “I’ll e-mail you.” “From your Blackberry,” he says sternly. “Yes, Sir,” I snap back. “Laters, baby.” “Bye . . .” He’s still hanging on. “Hang up,” I scold, smiling. He sighs hea一vily down the phone. “I wish you’d never gone to work this morning.” “Me, too. But I am busy. Hang up.” “You hang up.” I hear his smile. Oh, playful Christian. I love playful Christian. Hmm . . . I love Christian, period. “We’ve been here before.” “You’re biting your lip.” Shit, he’s right. How does he know? “You see, you think I don’t know you, Anastasia. But I know you better than you think,” he murmurs seductively in that way that makes me weak, and wet. “Christian, I’ll talk to you later. Right now, I really wish I hadn’t left this morning, too.” “I’ll wait for your e-mail, Miss Steele.” “Good day, Mr. Grey.” Hanging up, I lean against the cold, hard glass of the deli store window. Oh my, even on the phone he owns me. Shaking my head to clear it of all thoughts Grey, I head into the deli, depressed by all thoughts Jack. He is scowling when I get back. “Is it okay if I take my lunch now?” I ask tentatively. He gazes up at me and his scowl deepens. “If you must,” he snaps. “Forty-five minutes. Make up the time you lost this morning.” “Jack, can I ask you something?” “What?” “You seem, kind of out of sorts today. Ha一ve I done something to offend you?” He blinks at me momentarily. “I don’t think I’m in the mood to list your misdemeanors right now. I’m busy.” He continues to stare at his computer screen, effectively dismissing me. Whoa . . . What ha一ve I done? I turn and lea一ve his office, and for a moment I think I’m going to cry. Why has he taken such a sudden and intense dislike to me? A very unwelcome idea pops into my head, but I ignore it. I don’t need his shit right now—I ha一ve enough of my own. I head out of the building to the nearby Starbucks, order a latte, and sit down in the window. Taking my iPod from my purse, I plug my headphones in. I choose a song haphazardly and press repeat so it will play over and over again. I need music to think by. My mind drifts. Christian the sadist. Christian the submissive. Christian the untouchable. Christian’s oedipal impulses. Christian bathing Leila. I groan and close my eyes while that last image haunts me. Can I really marry this man? He’s so much to take in. He’s complex and difficult, but deep down I know I don’t want to lea一ve him despite all his issues. I could never lea一ve him. I love him. It would be like cutting off my right arm. Right now, I ha一ve never felt so alive, so vital. I’ve encountered all manner of perplexing, profound feelings and new experiences since I met him. It’s never a dull and new experiences since I met him. It’s never a dull moment with Fifty. Looking back on my life before Christian, it’s as if everything was in black and white like José’s pictures. Now my whole world is in rich, bright, saturated color. I am soaring in a beam of dazzling light, Christian’s dazzling light. I am still Icarus, flying too close to his sun. I snort to myself. Flying with Christian—who can resist a man who can fly? Can I give him up? Do I want to give him up? It’s as if he’s flipped a switch and lit me up from within. It’s been an education knowing him. I ha一ve discovered more about myself in the last few weeks than ever before. I’ve learned about my body, my hard limits, my soft limits, my tolerance, my patience, my compassion, and my capacity for love. And it strikes me like a thunderbolt—that’s what he needs from me, what he’s entitled to—unconditional love. He never received it from the crack whore—it’s what he needs. Can I love him unconditionally? Can I accept him for who he is regardless of his revelations last night? I know he’s damaged, but I don’t think he’s irredeemable. I sigh, recalling Taylor’s words. “He’s a good man, Miss Steele.” I’ve seen the weighty evidence of his goodness—his charity work, his business ethics, his generosity—and yet he doesn’t see it in himself. He doesn’t feel deserving of any love. Given his history and his predilections, I ha一ve an inkling of his self-loathing—that’s why he’s never let anyone in. Can I get past this? anyone in. Can I get past this? He said once that I couldn’t begin to understand the depths of his depra一vity. Well, he’s told me now, and given the first few years of his life, it doesn’t surprise me. Though it was still a shock to hear it out loud. At least he’s told me —and he seems happier now that he has. I know everything. Does it devalue his love for me? No, I don’t think so. He’s never felt this way before and neither ha一ve I. In truth we’ve both come so far. Tears prick and pool in my eyes as I recall his final barriers crumbling last night when he let me touch him. Jeez, it took Leila and all her crazy to get us to there. Perhaps I should be grateful. The fact that he bathed her is not quite such a bitter taste on my tongue now. I wonder which clothes he ga一ve her. I hope it wasn’t the plum dress. I liked that. So can I love this man with all his issues unconditionally? Because he deserves nothing less. He still needs to learn boundaries and little things like empathy, and to be less controlling. He says he no longer feels the compulsion to hurt me; perhaps Dr. Flynn will be able to cast some light on that. Fundamentally, that’s what concerns me most—that he needs that and has always found like-minded women who need it, too. I frown. Yes, this is the reassurance I need. I want to be all things to this man, his Alpha and his Omega and all things in between because he is to me. I hope Flynn will ha一ve the answers, and maybe then I can say yes. Christian and I can find our own slice of can say yes. Christian and I can find our own slice of hea一ven close to the sun. I gaze out at bustling, lunchtime Seattle. Mrs. Christian Grey—who would ha一ve thought? I glance at my watch. Shit! I leap up from my seat and dash to the door—a whole hour of just sitting—where did the time go? Jack is going to go ballistic! I slink back to my desk. Fortunately, he’s not in his office. It looks like I’ve got away with it. I gaze intently at my computer screen, unseeing, trying to reassemble my thoughts into work mode. “Where were you?” I jump. Jack is standing, arms folded, behind me. “I was in the basement, photocopying,” I lie. Jack lips press into a thin, uncompromising line. “I’m lea一ving for my plane at six thirty. I need you to stay until then.” “Okay.” I smile as sweetly as I can manage. “I’d like my itinerary for New York printed out and photocopied ten times. And get the brochures packaged up. And get me some coffee!” he snarls and stalks into his office. I breathe a sigh of relief and stick my tongue out at him as he closes the door. Bastard. At four o’clock, Claire rings from reception. “I ha一ve Mia Grey for you.” “I ha一ve Mia Grey for you.” Mia? I hope she doesn’t want to hang at the mall. “Hi, Mia!” “Ana, hi. How are you?” Her excitement is stifling. “Good. Busy today. You?” “I am so bored! I need to find something to do, so I’m arranging a birthday party for Christian.” Christian’s birthday? Jeez, I had no idea. “When is it?” “I knew it. I knew he wouldn’t tell you. It’s on Saturday. Mom and Dad want everyone over for a meal to celebrate. I’m officially inviting you.” “Oh, that’s lovely. Thank you, Mia.” “I’ve already called Christian and told him, and he ga一ve me your number here.” “Cool.” My mind is in a flat spin—what the hell am I going to get Christian for his birthday? What do you buy the man who has everything? “And maybe next week, we can go out one lunchtime?” “Sure. How about tomorrow? My boss is away in New York.” “Oh, that would be cool, Ana. What time?” “Say, twelve forty-five?” “I’ll be there. Bye, Ana.” “Bye.” I hang up. Christian. Birthday. What on earth should I get him? From: Anastasia Steele Subject: Antediluvian Date: June 15, 2011 16:11 To: Christian Grey Dear Mr. Grey When, exactly, were you going to tell me? What shall I get my old man for his birthday? Perhaps some new batteries for his hearing aid? A x Anastasia Steele Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP From: Christian Grey Subject: Prehistoric Date: June 15, 2011 16:20 To: Anastasia Steele Don’t mock the elderly. Glad you are alive and kicking. And that Mia has been in touch. Batteries are always useful. I don’t like celebrating my birthday. x Christian Grey, Deaf as a Post CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From: Anastasia Steele Subject: Hmmm. Date: June 15, 2011 16:24 To: Christian Grey Dear Mr. Grey I can imagine you pouting as you wrote that last sentence. That does things to me. A xox Anastasia Steele Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP From: Christian Grey Subject: Rolling Eyes Date: June 15, 2011 16:29 To: Anastasia Steele Miss Steele WILL YOU USE YOUR BLACKBERRY!!! x Christian Grey, Twitchy Palmed, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. I roll my eyes. Why is he so touchy about e-mails? From: Anastasia Steele Subject: Inspiration Date: June 15, 2011 16:33 To: Christian Grey Dear Mr. Grey Ah . . . your twitchy palms can’t stay still for long, can they? I wonder what Dr. Flynn would say about that? But now I know what to give you for your birthday—and I hope it makes me sore . . . ;) A x From: Christian Grey Subject: Angina Date: June 15, 2011 16:38 To: Anastasia Steele Miss Steele I don’t think my heart could stand the strain of another e-mail like that, or my pants for that matter. Beha一ve. Beha一ve. x Christian Grey CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From: Anastasia Steele Subject: Trying Date: June 15, 2011 16:42 To: Christian Grey Christian I am trying to work for my very trying boss. Please stop bothering me and being trying yourself. Your last e-mail nearly made me combust. x PS: Can you collect me at 6:30? From: Christian Grey Subject: I’ll Be There Date: June 15, 2011 16:38 To: Anastasia Steele Nothing would give me greater pleasure. Actually, I can think of any of number of things that would give me greater pleasure, and they all involve you. me greater pleasure, and they all involve you. x Christian Grey CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. I flush reading his response and shake my head. E-mail banter is all well and good, but we really need to talk. Perhaps once we’ve seen Flynn. I put my Blackberry down and finish my petty cash reconciliation. By six fifteen, the office is deserted. I ha一ve everything ready for Jack. His cab to the airport is booked, and I just ha一ve to hand him his documents. I glance anxiously through the glass, but he’s still deep in his telephone call, and I don’t want to interrupt him—not in the mood he’s in today. As I wait for him to finish, it occurs to me that I ha一ve not eaten today. Oh shit, that’s not going to go down well with Fifty. I quickly skip down to the kitchen to see if there are any cookies left. As I’m opening the communal cookie jar, Jack appears unexpectedly in the kitchen doorway, startling me. Oh. What’s he doing here? He stares at me. “Well, Ana, I think this might be a good time to discuss your misdemeanors.” He steps in, closing the door behind him, and my mouth instantly dries as alarm bells ring loud and piercing in my head. Oh fuck. His lips twitch into a grotesque smile, and his eyes gleam a deep, dark cobalt. “At last, I ha一ve you on your own,” he says, and he slowly licks his lower lip. What? “Now . . . are you going to be a good girl and listen very carefully to what I say?” Jack’s eyes flash the darkest blue, and he sneers as he casts a leering look down my body. Fear chokes me. What is this? What does he want? From somewhere deep inside and despite my dry mouth, I find the resolve and courage to squeeze out some words, my self-defense class keep-them-talking mantra circling my brain like an ethereal sentinel. “Jack, now might not be a good time for this. Your cab is due in ten minutes, and I need to give you all your documents.” My voice is quiet but hoarse, betraying me. documents.” My voice is quiet but hoarse, betraying me. He smiles, and it’s a despotic fuck-you smile that finally touches his eyes. They glint in the harsh fluorescent glow of the strip light above us in the drab windowless room. He takes a step toward me, glaring at me, his eyes never lea一ving mine. His pupils are dilating as I watch—the black eclipsing the blue. Oh no. My fear escalates. “You know I had to fight with Elizabeth to give you this job . . .” His voice trails off as he takes another step toward me, and I step back against the dingy wall cupboards. Keep-him-talking, keep-him-talking, keephim- talking. “Jack, what exactly is your problem? If you want to air your grievances, then perhaps we should ask HR to get involved. We could do this with Elizabeth in a more formal setting.” Where is security? Are they in the building yet? “We don’t need HR to overmanage this situation Ana,” he sneers. “When I hired you, I thought you would be a hard worker. I thought you had potential. But now, I don’t hard worker. I thought you had potential. But now, I don’t know. You’ve become distracted and sloppy. And I wondered . . . is it your boyfriend who’s leading you astray?” He says boyfriend with chilling contempt. “I decided to check through your e-mail account to see if I could find any clues. And you know what I found, Ana? What was out of place? The only personal e-mails in your account were to your hot-shot boyfriend.” He pauses, assessing my reaction. “And I got to thinking . . . where are the e-mails from him? There are none. Nada. Nothing. So what’s going on, Ana? How come his e-mails to you aren’t on our system? Are you some company spy, planted in here by Grey’s organization? Is that what this is?” Holy shit, the e-mails. Oh no. What ha一ve I said? “Jack, what are you talking about?” I try for bewildered, and I’m pretty convincing. This conversation is not going as I expected, but I don’t trust him in the slightest. Some subliminal pheromone that Jack is exuding has me on high alert. This man is angry, volatile, and totally unpredictable. I try to reason with him. “You just said that you had to persuade Elizabeth to hire me. So how could I be planted as a spy? Make up your mind, Jack.” “But Grey fucked the New York trip, didn’t he?” Oh shit. “How did he manage that, Ana? What did your rich, Ivy League boyfriend do?” What little blood remains in my face drains away, and I think I’m going to faint. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jack,” I whisper. “Your cab will be here shortly. Shall I fetch your things?” Oh please, let me go. Stop this. Jack continues, enjoying my discomfort. “And he thinks I’d make a pass at you?” He smirks and his eyes heat. “Well, I want you to think about something while I’m in New York. I ga一ve you this job, and I expect you to show me some gratitude. In fact, I’m entitled to it. I had to fight to get you. Elizabeth wanted someone better qualified, but I—I saw something in you. So, we need to work out a deal. A deal where you keep me happy. D’you work out a deal. A deal where you keep me happy. D’you understand what I’m saying, Ana?” Fuck! “Look at it as refining your job description, if you like. And if you keep me happy, I won’t dig any further into how your boyfriend is pulling strings, milking his contacts, or cashing in some fa一vor from one of his Ivy League fratboy sycophants.” My mouth drops open. He’s blackmailing me. For sex! And what can I say? News of Christian’s takeover is embargoed for another three weeks. I can barely believe this. Sex—with me! Jack moves closer until he’s standing right in front of me, staring down into my eyes. His cloying sweet cologne invades my nostrils—it’s nauseating—and if I’m not mistaken, the bitter stench of alcohol is on his breath. Fuck, he’s been drinking . . . when? “You are such a tight-assed, cock-blocking, prick tease, you know, Ana,” he whispers through clenched teeth. teeth. What? Prick tease . . . Me? “Jack, I ha一ve no idea what you’re talking about,” I whisper, as I feel the adrenaline surge through my body. He’s closer now. I am waiting to make my move. Ray will be proud. Ray taught me what to do. Ray knows his selfdefense. If Jack touches me—if he even breathes too close to me—I will take him down. My breath is shallow. I must not faint, I must not faint. “Look at you.” He gives me a leering look. “You’re so turned on, I can tell. You’ve really led me on. Deep down you want it. I know.” Holy fuck. The man is completely delusional. My fear rises to DEFCON ONE, threatening to overwhelm me. “No, Jack. I ha一ve never led you on.” “You ha一ve, you prick-teasing bitch. I can read the signs.” Reaching up, he gently strokes my face with the back of his knuckles, down to my chin. His index finger strokes my throat, and my heart leaps into my mouth as I fight my gag reflex. He reaches the dip at the base of my neck, where the top button of my black shirt is open, and presses his hand against my chest. “You want me. Admit it, Ana.” Keeping my eyes firmly fixed on his and concentrating on what I ha一ve to do—rather than my mushrooming revulsion and dread—I place my hand gently over his in a caress. He smiles in triumph. I grab his little finger, and twist it back, pulling it sharply down backward to his hip. “Arrgh!” he cries out in pain and surprise, and as he leans off balance, I bring my knee, swift and hard, up into his groin, and make perfect contact with my goal. I dodge deftly to my left as his knees buckle, and he collapses with a groan onto the kitchen floor, grasping himself between his legs. “Don’t you ever touch me again,” I snarl at him. “Your itinerary and the brochures are packaged on my desk. I am going home now. Ha一ve a nice trip. And in the future, get your own damn coffee.” “You fucking bitch!” he half screams, half groans at me, but I am already out the door. me, but I am already out the door. I run full pelt to my desk, grab my jacket and my purse, and dash to front reception, ignoring the moans and curses emanating from the bastard still prostrate on the kitchen floor. I burst out of the building and stop for a moment as the cool air hits my face, take a deep breath, and compose myself. But I ha一ven’t eaten all day, and as the very unwelcome surge of adrenaline recedes, my legs give out beneath me and I sink to the ground. I watch with mild detachment the slow motion movie that plays out in front of me: Christian and Taylor in dark suits and white shirts, leaping out of the waiting car and running toward me. Christian sinks to his knees at my side, and on some unconscious level, all I can think is: He’s here. My love is here. “Ana, Ana! What’s wrong?” He scoops me into his lap, running his hands up and down my arms, checking for any signs of injury. Grabbing my head between his hands, he stares with wide, terrified, gray eyes into mine. I sag against him, suddenly overwhelmed with relief and fatigue. against him, suddenly overwhelmed with relief and fatigue. Oh, Christian’s arms. There is no place I’d rather be. “Ana.” He shakes me gently. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?” I shake my head as I realize I need to start communicating. “Jack,” I whisper, and I sense rather than see Christian’s swift glance at Taylor, who abruptly disappears into the building. “Fuck!” Christian enfolds me in his arms. “What did that sleazeball do to you?” And from somewhere just the right side of crazy, a giggle bubbles in my throat. I recall Jack’s utter shock as I grabbed his finger. “It’s what I did to him.” I start giggling and I can’t stop. “Ana!” Christian shakes me again, and my giggling fit ceases. “Did he touch you?” “Only once.” I feel Christian’s muscles bunch and tense as rage sweeps through him, and he stands up swiftly, powerfully —rock steady—with me in his arms. He’s furious. No! “Where is that fucker?” From inside the building we hear muffled shouting. Christian sets me on my feet. “Can you stand?” I nod. “Don’t go in. Don’t, Christian.” Suddenly my fear is back, fear of what Christian will do to Jack. “Get in the car,” he barks at me. “Christian, no.” I grab his arm. “Get in the goddamned car, Ana.” He shakes me off. “No! Please!” I plead with him. “Stay. Don’t lea一ve me on my own.” I deploy my ultimate weapon. Seething, Christian runs his hand through his hair and glares down at me, clearly wracked with indecision. The shouting inside the building escalates, and then stops suddenly. Oh, no. What has Taylor done? Christian fishes out his Blackberry. Christian fishes out his Blackberry. “Christian, he has my e-mails.” “What?” “My e-mails to you. He wanted to know where your e-mails to me were. He was trying to blackmail me.” Christian’s look is murderous. Oh shit. “Fuck!” he splutters and narrows his eyes at me. He punches a number into his Blackberry. Oh no. I’m in trouble. Who’s he calling? “Barney. Grey. I need you to access the SIP main server and wipe all Anastasia Steele’s e-mails to me. Then access the personal data files of Jack Hyde and check they aren’t stored there. If they are, wipe them . . . Yes, all of them. Now. Let me know when it’s done.” He stabs the off button then dials another number. “Roach. Grey. Hyde—I want him out. Now. This minute. Call security. Get him to clear his desk immediately, or I will liquidate this company first thing in the morning. You already ha一ve all the justification you need to give him his pink slip. Do you understand?” He listens to give him his pink slip. Do you understand?” He listens for a moment and hangs up seemingly satisfied. “Blackberry,” he hisses at me through clenched teeth. “Please don’t be mad at me.” I blink up at him. “I am so mad at you right now,” he snarls and once more sweeps his hand through his hair. “Get in the car.” “Christian, please—” “Get in the fucking car, Anastasia, or so help me I’ll put you in there myself,” he threatens, his eyes blazing with fury. Oh shit. “Don’t do anything stupid, please,” I beg. “STUPID!” he explodes. “I told you to use your fucking Blackberry. Don’t talk to me about stupid. Get in the motherfucking car, Anastasia—NOW!” he snarls and a frisson of fear runs through me. This is Very Angry Christian. I’ve not seen him this mad before. He’s barely holding on to his self-control. “Okay,” I mutter, placating him. “But please, be careful.” Pressing his lips together in a hard line, he points angrily to the car, glaring at me. Jeez, okay, I get the message. “Please be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you. It would kill me,” I murmur. He blinks rapidly and stills, lowering his arm while he takes a deep breath. “I’ll be careful,” he says, his eyes softening. Oh, thank the Lord. His eyes burn into me as I head to the car, open the front passenger door, and climb in. Once I’m safely in the comfort of the Audi, he disappears into the building, and my heart leaps again into my throat. What’s he planning to do? I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Five eternal minutes. Jack’s cab pulls up in front of the Audi. Ten minutes. Fifteen. Jeez, what are they doing in there, and how is Taylor? The wait is agonizing. Twenty-five minutes later, Jack emerges from the building, clutching a cardboard storage box. Behind him is the security guard. Where was he earlier? And after them, Christian and Taylor. Jack looks sick. He heads straight for the cab, and I’m grateful for the Audi’s hea一vily tinted for the cab, and I’m grateful for the Audi’s hea一vily tinted windows so he cannot see me. The cab drives off— presumably not to Sea-Tac—as Christian and Taylor reach the car. Opening the driver’s door, Christian slides smoothly into the seat, presumably because I am in the front, and Taylor gets in behind me. Neither of them says a word as Christian starts the car and pulls out into the traffic. I risk a quick glance at Fifty. His mouth is set in a firm line, but he seems distracted. The in-car phone rings. “Grey,” Christian snaps. “Mr. Grey, Barney here.” “Barney, I’m on speaker phone, and there are others in the car,” Christian warns. “Sir, it’s all done. But I need to talk to you about what else I found on Mr. Hyde’s computer.” “I’ll call you when I reach my destination. And thanks, Barney.” “No problem, Mr. Grey.” Barney hangs up. He sounds much younger than I Barney hangs up. He sounds much younger than I expected. What else is on Jack’s computer? “Are you talking to me?” I ask quietly. Christian glances at me, before fixing his eyes back on the road ahead, and I can tell he’s still mad. “No,” he mutters sullenly. Oh, there we go . . . how childish. I wrap my arms around myself and stare unseeing out the window. Perhaps I should just ask him to drop me off at my apartment, then he can “not talk” to me from the safety of Escala and sa一ve us both the inevitable quarrel. But even as I think it, I know I don’t want to lea一ve him to brood, not after yesterday. Eventually, we pull up in front of his apartment building, and Christian climbs out of the car. Moving with easy grace around to my side, he opens my door. “Come,” he orders as Taylor clambers into the driver’s seat. I take his proffered hand and follow him through the grand foyer to the elevator. He doesn’t let go of me. “Christian, why are you so mad at me?” I whisper as we wait. “You know why,” he mutters as we step into the elevator, and he punches in the code to his floor. “God, if something had happened to you, he’d be dead by now.” Christian’s tone chills me to the bone. The doors close. “As it is, I’m going to ruin his career so he can’t take advantage of young women anymore, miserable excuse for a man that he is.” He shakes his head. “Jesus, Ana!” He grabs me suddenly, imprisoning me in the corner of the elevator. His hands fist in my hair as he pulls my face up to his, and his mouth is on mine, a passionate desperation in his kiss. I don’t know why this takes me by surprise, but it does. I taste his relief, his longing, and his residual anger while his tongue possesses my mouth. He stops, gazing down at me, resting his weight against me so I can’t move. He lea一ves me breathless, clinging to him for support, staring up into that beautiful face etched with determination and without any trace of humor. and without any trace of humor. “If anything had happened to you . . . If he’d harmed you . . .” I feel the shudder that runs through him. “Blackberry,” he commands quietly. “From now on. Understand?” I nod, swallowing, unable to break eye contact from his grim, mesmerizing look. He straightens, releasing me as the elevator comes to a stop. “He said you kicked him in the balls.” Christian’s tone is lighter with a trace of admiration, and I think I’m forgiven. “Yes,” I whisper, still reeling from the intensity of his kiss and his impassioned command. “Good.” “Ray is ex-army. He taught me well.” “I’m very glad he did,” he breathes and adds, arching a brow, “I’ll need to remember that.” Taking my hand, he leads me out of the elevator and I follow, relieved. I think that’s as bad as his mood is going to get. “I need to call Barney. I won’t be long.” He “I need to call Barney. I won’t be long.” He disappears into his study, lea一ving me stranded in the vast living room. Mrs. Jones is adding the finishing touches to our meal. I realize I am famished, but I need something to do. “Can I help?” I ask.